The park was in the city center. It was as busy as a city street at lunch time with a crowd of runners, mothers pushing strollers and sandwich eaters from nearby offices. Two tourists sat jabbering away in another language on the bench under the tree where Isla was to meet the mother.
Isla and Jack had been chosen from the adoption agency's catalogue of available families. Beth had decided to meet with Isla alone after she read their profile on the agency website. Isla had written that she liked baking and had more than a dozen recipes for chocolate chip cookies and she included a list of recipes on a whim; vegan chocolate chips, chocolate chips and walnuts, dark chocolate and white chocolate chip mixed, triple chocolate chip, soft center chocolate chip cookies, thin and crisp ones, cakey ones. The agency had told her and Jack that the birth mothers looked for something they could relate to in the family's profiles and Isla thought that those details might strike a chord with some young woman.
Beth remembered when she was in second grade eating cookies still hot from the oven and the smell of vanilla on her mother's hands when she picked them off the cookies sheet, waving her hand in the air after touching each cookie because it burned her fingers. Beth thought vegan sounded promising, Isla would be careful about how to feed the baby and the couple stated in their profile they did not smoke but it was mostly the lavender ribbons that decorated Isla and Jack's presentation that caught her eye. Beth pictured a nursery full of toys and little lavender flowers on the baby sheets in a white crib, set near a window with light streaming in where the baby would sleep each night. Beth wanted this and a thousand other things for the baby that she would never have the money to do if she were to finish college.
The tourists stood up from the park bench as Isla approached.
Perfect, she thought sitting down, they would have some privacy.
Isla had pulled her long brown hair up in a pony tail and wore a light weight white top with a loose neck line. The May sun felt warm on her bare neck. She should have put sunblock on but she was in a rush and had forgotten. She made a mental note to remember tomorrow as she distractedly touched her fingernails. She did not want to appear nervous and consciously avoided biting them. Behind a jogging mother pushing a stroller was a girl with loose blond hair resting in casual waves on slender shoulders, her blue eyes blinked in the sun. The girl approached the bench. They two women had seen each other's pictures at the adoption agency and had exchanged messages but this was their first meeting in person and Isla recognized Beth.
"Hello." Isla beamed trying not to appear over excited.
Beth smiled and sat down. They sat in silence for a few moments looking at the ducks waddling on the grass. Isla waited for a moment but she had already thought of her first question.
"How are you feeling?"
Beth had mentioned morning sickness in her messages. She was just over three months pregnant.
"Better."
"How is your family?" Isla said tentatively, thinking Beth could interpret that however she wanted.
"Good."
Her family was not good. Her mother had once found condoms in Beth's bathroom and told her not to come crying to her if she ever got pregnant. Beth took her at her word and when Beth found out she was expecting, she made plans to move out with the excuse that it would be more convenient to live on campus. Beth thought her mother had noticed her nausea and reluctance to eat but she had not said anything. Her tummy did not show yet and she made a point of wearing loose clothing. She would stay away until the baby was born citing the concentration for the tons of studying she needed to do during her first year of college as the reason. Isla stopped posing questions.
She checked herself, Too stressful.
Instead she said, "It's beautiful weather. May is my favorite month of the year."
Beth looked up at the sky, as if an answer might come from it.
"I like April. My birthday is in April."
Isla nodded and smiled. The two women continued to talk about the mother duck and ducklings padding into the water and eventually commented the brands of strollers that were whisking by in front of briskly walking mothers. Beth said she liked triple chocolate chip cookies and that lavender was her favorite color. Isla listened, hoping that the stream of conversation would keep up. She tried not to look at Beth's tummy. Isla wished that the little infant inside of her would jump out of the girl's belly and hop into Isla's lap, put tiny arms around her neck and tangle delicate fingers in her hair.
Isla had been thrilled but cautious with her first pregnancy. It had been a wise choice because she miscarried at nine weeks. She lost blood for a month following the miscarriage and was exhausted. Six months later she had another miscarriage at six and a half weeks, that time she was prepared for the feeling of loss. When she did not get pregnant again despite a full force effort to monitor her ovulation and checking sperm counts, she and Jack started fertility treatments. After 11 cycles of injections and daily blood tests to determine when ovulation occurred and the injection of her husband's treated sperm with a large syringe through her vagina into the uterus, just four times her period was late and she counted the days that passed until she made it to six or six and a half weeks and then she would see a bit of blood drop on the carefully folded toilet paper when she went to the bathroom. At last they had tried in vitro insemination. After 3 cycles of in vitro and two and a half years of trying she went into her doctor's office to hear him say that the blood tests for Isla's hormone levels showed that she had a one percent chance of getting pregnant, if any, and that did not take into consideration whether she would be able to carry out the pregnancy. He would not prescribe anymore hormones to stimulate her ovaries, the risk was not worth the slim chance she had of having a baby.
Not worth it to you, thought Isla.
She and Jack both wanted to adopt but Jack had left the work to Isla and when she talked about Beth to him he nodded his head in silence. One of the authorization papers that they had signed at the adoption agency required that they relinquish their request for a child if Isla were to get pregnant during the wait for a match with a birthmother. Isla unconsciously put her hand on her stomach. She was three weeks late. In terms of pregnancy that meant that she could be 7 weeks pregnant. She had been queasy the last week but it was probably stress. Isla had been nodding as Beth spoke but now Beth had turned quiet. Beth faced Isla and put out a trembling hand and smiled shyly.
"I have to go. It was nice meeting you."
"It was nice meeting you too, Beth. You have a lovely personality and are very mature," Isla offered. The two women stood.
Beth smiled and said, "I have to think about it."
"Yes, of course. You should."
Isla watched Beth walk away and touched her hand to her belly. She turned to pick up her bag from the park bench and saw a slick spot of grease. She reached down to touch it as she took her purse. It was where she had been sitting, her new navy pants would be ruined, she sighed. She swung her purse over her shoulder and stopped still, looking at the red stain on her finger tips.
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