There is no one left on the store floor, the store is
quiet and empty except for Alice who glides along the aisles and displays,
choosing various items from the shelves as if she were in another world.
Alice is out of place; elegantly dressed, full make up
and carrying a large purse. She has a
thin, well cared for figure, she walks with exaggerated grace, her once lovely
face shows signs of time that has passed and she appears worried.
Alice has been putting seemingly random objects in her
bag and checks it to see that she has remembered to ‘get’ everything she
needs. She picks up a stuffed shark and puts it in her bag as she looks over
her shoulder to be sure there is no one watching. A puppet monkey on the
shelf behind her speaks. Alice is more offended than surprised
at being spoken to with such lack of deference to her social standing and
level of fame and success which demands anyone to assume the position of ‘fan.’
PUPPET
(Demanding, accusatory tone)
What do you need that for?
ALICE
(Turning around quickly, not the least
guilty. She is irritated that she is
being disturbed)
I beg your pardon? And who are you? I am used to being addressed as Ms.
Walker. And we should be properly
introduce by my agent, I never speak to anyone off the street, I’ll have you
know.
PUPPET
(Aggressively pursuing his questioning,
unhesitatingly. He assumes the tone of
an attorney)
Don’t change the subject. I asked you a question. Who is that stuffed shark
for?
ALICE
(She stands regally and looks down at
the puppet, her tone is imperious and impatient)
It’s for Gidget, my French poodle. She
likes to have something to cuddle up with at night to help her go to sleep. She
gets so fidgety when I take her on the yacht, otherwise she is perfectly well
behaved.
PUPPET
(Peering into her bag)
Yeah, Lady. And the rest of that stuff? You've got everything but the kitchen sink
and a fish tank in that bag....What are the designer pillow cases for?
ALICE
You are
insolent, who gives you the permission to interrogate me? If you really must know, the beds on my
yacht require custom made sheets that I have made by my personal
seamstress but the pillows are standard and I do need to have silk to sleep
on… Armani is my favorite designer, I
only use his Italian silk fabrics for all my bedding, I wouldn’t be able to
sleep on anything else now that I am used to Giò.
PUPPET
Well, picky,picky. What about the fake, glass goldfish? 'Those
designer fish? Did ‘Giò’make those too?
ALICE
Well! I have never! I refuse to be
questioned by a puppet, and a monkey at that....and one who has not been
properly introduced. The idea... (She sniffs, incensed) (Pause) The goldfish
are for the fish tank on the yacht I mentioned, I already have one, thank you
very much. Which is precisely why I do
not need one in my bag.
PUPPET
(Lowering his voice)
You know you can get in trouble for what
you are doing? I could call a guard and have you escorted out of the store,
maybe even arrested.
ALICE
(Imperious, she assumes the posture of a
teacher giving a lesson to a pupil)
You are inanimate. I would like to know just how you think you are going to
get the attention of a guard and how can you expect to be believed by anyone. I know more than a thing or two about acting
and being believable and I assure you that being a stuffed animal is not going
to help you a bit.
PUPPET
(Taking on a friendly and persuasive
tone)
Look ...
I won’t call anyone and you take me with you, how ‘bout it? (Pause)
Where d’you say you’re goin’?
(He looks at his hands like he is
checking his nails and could not care less what the answer is, his tone is
casual)
ALICE
(Hesitates)
PUPPET
(Trying to gain her confidence)
Isn’t that shark just gonna scare your
little poodle? I mean if she' s 'fraid to go on a boat, a ‘shark’ isn’t really
the right theme, is it?
ALICE
(Keeping her imperious tone of voice)
I beg your pardon Sir, it is not a
‘boat,’ mine is a yacht, thank you very much.
PUPPET
(Lacking in formality and respect)
PUPPET (cont'd)
(Expectantly, with urgency)
‘Yacht’, ‘boat’, whatever... Will ‘ya
take me with you?
ALICE
(As if talking to herself)
I suppose I could use some company, it is getting late and I do hate to
walk out in the dark without being accompanied.
My chauffeur's away on sick leave and it is so tiring to go about things
without someone to talk to…
ALICE (cont'd)
(Sniffing)
...even my agent hasn’t answered my calls lately, I just detest that kind
of rudeness in people....
PUPPET
Ok, ok, alright... Come on let's get going.
Come on, before someone sees you putting me in the bag. Sentimentality
later, alright?
ALICE
(Takes the puppet monkey from the shelf and tucks him gently in a corner of
the bag, head just exposed)
There.
PUPPET
(Quietly)
Hey, thanks, y'know? That's the first time someone has ever done something
for me.
ALICE
People aren't often nice.
ALICE (cont'd)
(Looking for an exit.)
Unfortunately.
PUPPET
What do you know? You're some big shot, someone used to getting 'introduced,' expectin' respect like you
always get it...
PUPPET (cont'd)
(Sadly)
I'm just, I'm... just.... nothing...
ALICE
Nonsense.
PUPPET
(Slowly, thinking out loud)
Nobody wants me... I've been on that shelf forever. My battery case falls open and when people
see that they put me back and take another monkey.
PUPPET (cont'd)
(His voice gets soft and wistful)
You don't know how it feels to be held in some little kids hand, see their
eyes sparkling. You know he's goin' to
be your friend and play with you, take you home and keep you in bed with him at
night... talk to you and look at you every day with that smile... a little kid,
one of my own, a kid all to myself.... then the mom comes and turns you over
and checks everything, she sees the loose battery cover and puts you back in
the same place you've been sitting forever, just dreaming of that little kid
that is going to love you.
PUPPET (cont'd)
(Sighs, sadly)
The new monkeys of my same model have a different color fur, it's darker
and softer. Everyone likes 'em. My fur
looks faded, but it's not... it's the original color. Makes it look like there
is something wrong with me. My color is
the original... but the newer ones look nicer... everyone wants the new
ones. The sales people haven't pulled me
from the shelf. Sooner or later they
will see that I'm different then it'll be off to the merchandise room for me
and... I'll sit on a shelf with dozens of other broken, outdated items that no
one wants... that can't be sold. I'll sit and sit until I get thrown out.
PUPPET (cont'd)
(Looking downward, off into space)
I'll sit there waiting and thinking of that little kid... with the big blue
eyes and long brown lashes and warm hands that smell like cotton candy, holding
me tight saying, 'Please, Mommy, please let me have him.' Some one that would
love me and that I could love back.
PUPPET
(Softly)
You don't know how it feels ... Dressed up nice, talking about your agent,
chauffeur...'Giò' - like you're friends or something... silk pillow cases, your
yacht...
ALICE
(Distant)
I, I.... I don't have a chauffeur...
PUPPET
You've been saying...
ALICE
I don't ... my agent...
PUPPET
What...
ALICE
(Gathering herself)
Nothing.
PUPPET
(Gently and cheerfully)
Hey! Truth or Dare.
ALICE
What?
PUPPET
Din't y'ever play truth or dare when you were a kid?
ALICE
No, how....
PUPPET
(Slowly)
Ya gotta tell me about the chauffeur.
ALICE
What are the rules?
PUPPET
The rules are; you gotta answer me because I asked first. (Smiles kindly.)
Go on.
ALICE
I, I... I don't....
PUPPET
(Kindly)
Why don't you have a chauffeur?
ALICE
He left. He isn't sick. I don't have anywhere to go anymore, don't
really need a car or chauffeur. No one calls me... not my agent. Nobody. I was famous and had great parts, any actress
would have been happy to have had those auditions and my roles. Then I turned 40, the calls slowly dried
up. I got parts for Mrs. Claus or for
the minor role of school principal, somebody's grandmother... I just had to
stand there, no lines. My agent didn't
answer my calls and never called me, like she was afraid I might ask her for
something, a favor, a job, maybe she thought I'd ask for money. I spent it nearly all, everything I'd earned
and saved, just ran out. All I have left
is my house, Gidget and my yacht. I did
't have anything to pay the chauffeur with, he left... life just doesn't care
about you when you get old and you're not 'somebody' anymore. Life just doesn't care.... I never got
married, always concentrated on my career.
My fiancé wanted me to give it all up, wanted us to have a baby... but I
always had a role coming up, I put it off until a baby just didn't come
anymore, it was too late for me. The
funny thing was that once I could not have children anymore, I stopped getting
calls for work. I was suddenly free but
it was too late to have a child and my fiancé by then was long gone and married
to someone else. I gave everything to my
career thinking that would be enough and that would make me happy. I didn't think that a career might not keep
me company in old age.... just didn't think of it like that. I thought time
would never run out... it did.
PUPPET
Hey...
ALICE
(Looking up at the monkey staring sadly at her)
Oh...
PUPPET
(Happy and encouraging Alice to cheer up.)
Look, we can keep each other company now.
We will go to your yacht and drink champagne and Gidget will wag her
tail at us both. Let's go and forget about all this. We need each other, can't you see that? We
are lucky we found each other tonight!
Lucky I spoke up and lucky you decided to take me with you. There is a reason for everything and the
reason we met tonight is because we need one another. Pull yourself together
and let's get outta here. How do you get
to your yacht? Which way do we go?
ALICE
(Looking around as if unsure where she is.
She goes to the glass doors of the department store and opens up to the
parking lot. It is raining.)
Here it is! Here it is! Look there is my yacht.
PUPPET
(Patiently)
Alice, this is the parking lot.
(An awkward pause as the puppet waits for Alice's response. Alice looks confused and scared)
PUPPET (cont'd)
There is no yacht here, Alice. Alice, are you listening to me?
ALICE
This is the port, pier 'Q,' my place number is 307, it is on the left at
the end of the pier. Look, right here...
PUPPET
Alice, leave the bag there inside the door and come outside, leave the bag
now.
ALICE
(The shoplifting detectors go off. We hear running and shuffling, voices and a
man's voice calling out to 'stop right there.' Alice is frantic)
Sharks! Sharks! I
can't swim! They will eat me alive... oh my, oh my, what will I do? Oh my!
PUPPET
(Trying to calm Alice)
Alice, it's the
police, there are no sharks, put the bag down and leave the store now..
ALICE
(Puts down the bag and
moves closer to the door. Alice is in tears.)
They are sharks and I
cannot swim, I will fall in and be eaten if I try to get on now, I can't move.
PUPPET
(Gently)
Alice, put me down
too. I can't stay here with you. Put me
down, it is better this way.
ALICE
(Crying.)
We were going to keep
each other company. Why are you leaving
now? I don't have anyone else to help me take care of Gidget. Please, I don't have anyone at all... and now
there are sharks too.. oooh! (Alice sobs.)
PUPPET
I know Alice, I would
like to stay with you but I can't right now. I will get you in trouble Alice,
do you understand? You need to let me go, let go of me and the sharks won't eat
you, ok? Just let me go Alice. It's ok.
ALICE
(Cannot stop crying)
No! Please! Please
don't leave me.
ALICE (cont'd)
(In a whisper)
I don't want to be
alone...
(The puppet jumps and
lands in a puddle in the dark parking lot, down stage left as a security guard
approaches. A spot light shines on the
lifeless, inanimate form of the puppet laying on the ground as the lights dim
on Alice up stage right. She turns to see a security guard and smiles, wiping
away her tears.)
ALICE
(Sniffing slightly.)
Officer, how may I
help you?
OFFICER
Ma'am did you have a
bag with you? The security alarms rang...
ALICE
(Pause)
(Flatly)
No, Officer. I don't have anything at all.
OFFICER
(Apologetically)
Are you sure, Ma'am?
Really? Nothing? I am sorry, I thought...
ALICE
I don't have anything
Officer. Thank you for your concern Officer, I was just leaving.
OFFICER
Excuse me, Ma'am...
Alice smiles at him
and walks off stage passing by the lifeless puppet in the puddle never looking
at him.
(Lights dim.)
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